My Prayer - written in April/May 2012 and saved as a Draft

I just stumbled back on my blog, 5 years later.  It's amazing to me that this was sitting here just waiting for me.  I wrote this when Derek decided that he needed to find another job.  This was after less than a year of being in his new job.  The one where we packed up and moved 12 hours north away from friends and family for this great new opportunity.  I was at a point where I needed to get these words out but I couldn't confide in anyone else about what we were going through, which is obviously why it was never posted.  As always, our prayers were answered.  Derek got another job, we moved back to friends and family, I got another job, the kids survived the move and the new school, our marriage is still strong.  There was a lot of uncertainty back then.  There's still uncertainty now, but what a gift to be reminded of how God is in control and takes care of us.  Thank you Lord!  

Lord,

Life is crazy right now.  I thought it was crazy before but that was really just because we were busy.  Now it's just crazy in a different way and I don't really know how to handle it.  I'm a planner and right now, I can't plan because it seems like every time I do plan, the plan changes.  And it's causing me pain and sadness and anxiety and stress.  It's causing me to not trust You.  It's causing me to rely on myself instead of on You.  

In my heart, I know you are in control.  I know you will not leave us out in the cold.  I know you will hold us in your hands and walk with us through this.  I know many peoples' problems are much worse than this.  

In my mind, I know I have no control and it's driving me crazy.  I don't know where we will be living.  I don't know if we will have jobs.  I don't know where my kids will go to school next year.  There are so many unknowns.  Even the timeframe is an unknown.  

Lord, help me to stop the worrying.  Help me to stop the crazy.  Help me to stop thinking and pondering and wondering and planning.  Help me to seek You and to hold Your hand through this.  Help me to realize that we can only do so much and the rest will be covered by you.  Thank you for dear friends who are praying fervently for us to get through this.  Thank you for dear friends and family who are praying selfishly for us to find a way back to them.  If it be your will, please let us go home and have a job there for Derek, a job where he can excel.  Please guard his heart and his mind as he goes through this trial.  Please cling on to him so that he does not lose faith.  Please remind him to still do his best to the glory of your name even though he is frustrated and angry and feeling many of the same things that I am feeling.  Please safeguard our marriage so that it becomes even stronger and that we are not torn apart through this trial.  Please guard our children, so that no matter what the future holds, they will be in your hand and will get through this.   

Amen.